Happi Chinese new year to everyone!!

Just came back from malaysia .. met all my aunties and uncles.. and even my nephew and niece.. gosh .. now i am really getting old.. i have got like ten nephews and nieces. whoa. though not everyone back at the hometown yet, but the kids have already rock the places with thier noises.

I'm glad that my aunties are happy and i really wish them to have healthy life and happiness .. my Da Gu especially.. i need to show her acheivement, she really wants to see me successful in life.. i love her so much and really hope she can see me married, get my degree.. and build my family.. she's kinda old but i really wants her to witness all my happiness..

just came back from darwin house too.. crowded.. with all my buddies and friends.. playing blackjack and mahjong.. wow.. it was really fun and entertaining with them around.. all the jokes and laughter make the house filled with the chinese new year atmosphere..

it's the starting of the new year.. i had told myself to move on without her.. i thought i could.. coz i have never fail to let go of girl when i wanted to.. but now.. i am struggling.. i couldn't let go .. i dunno why .. i just feel i need her by my side.. even when i tell myself it's over, in my heart i really wish that she's still by my side.. loving me.. i try v hard not to contact her.. but even so, it makes me missing her more in the end.. even if i occupied myself with things to do.. there are so many things that reminds me of her..

i really do not know what to do.. i called her yesterday .. telling her that i wanted to see oreo .. yes i miss oreo.. i want to play with oreo.. but i am missing her even more.. i just feel that i need to hug her.. wanted to be love by her again .. but yea.. all i can do is dream.. whenever i slp .. i always think of the happi times that we both had.. i wanted to have sweet dreams with her inside.. coz that's the only way to feel tt she's with me.. i am lousy i know.. i am trying hard.. v hard .. jiting tells me it takes time.. i just wonder how long..

but nevertheless, i still manage to spend my chinese new year happily.. seeing everyone enjoying themself already makes me happy.. and i hope things will get better for the rest of this year..

-zW- mo0o0o0

I have no choice but to accept the fact that it's impossible for her to come back to me anymore.. i did all the wrong stuff.. i left her.. i went to find another gal.. and i want her back again .. i tink she feels that i treat her like anything.. i wan i take .. dun wan .. put a side..

i dun really know what's running through my mind the other time.. i was feeling not loved at all by her.. as she was busy with her attachment and stuff as well.. there are so many things in my head at that moment.. i just need sometime alone.. but i couldn't find the time.. in the end.. i made a stupid choice by leaving her.. Yes. after i left her i do enjoy myself with my frens.. but deep down something in my heart is missing..

den.. i went to find joyce for love.. which i thought joyce was the one .. better than her.. but through all my army and sad times.. i found out that it was only bel.. only her can be my support.. one who knows how to take care of me.. one who understand me inside out... one who i have when i am in need.. but.. now i no longer have her..

i dun understand why ppl only learns when they are in need, in bad times.. they only realise who are the ones who love them .. i am one of those.. who din cherish the love given but treat it like nonsense..

it's been almost half a year since we break up.. lots of holding and pulling back through these months.. but now.. she has moved on.. one decision i tink it is good for her coz i know i am now regard as one who hurt her so deep.. she wanted to spend her life with me initially... but i gave up on her.. causing her to go through lots of misery which i shudn't have let..

in some ways, i know i've changed her life.. she wanted to be a tour escort.. but because of me.. she chose to be a events excutive.. she gave up what she wants to do for me.. and me? i only gave up on her.. i owe her lots of things in her life.. no matter how much happiness or even oreo(dog) i have given her.. i know it will never make up for the pain that i cause her to suffer..

in camp.. i cried everynight.. not because i am not a strong guy or anything.. but it's just that i always feel so empty without her.. i am suffering through all the pain she once go through.. the pain which the one u love so much isn't coming back to u anymore..

i wanted to move on.. but i can't let go of her.. she's always a baby in my heart.. someone i have to take care of.. someone for me to love.. someone i need to give happiness to..

no matter what, she has moved on.. so must i .. i dun wanna drag anyone into this thing.. i have implicate lots of my friends into this.. thanks to all the ppl who have listen to my sorrows, accompany me drinking.. talking me to sense that she will never come back to me.. telling me that i will only suffer if i continue like this..

i need to move on as well.. and i know i will.. i know i have cause her enough pain.. and the only way to give her happiness now is to let her go.. let her find someone who can really treat her with all the love and respect that she needs..

as for me.. i just have to finish my army days, finish my degree.. in the meanwhile.. enjoying with all my friends.. i don't wanna get into another relationship just yet.. cause i know.. the space in my heart that she have left behind, no one could ever cover it.. only time will heals.. and i know it will take a v long time..

once again.. sorry baby
zW

2008 is finally over, it wasn't a good year as there were too much happenings that occured.

Army, relationships, money and etc.

Well, 2009 has come, i really hope that it will be a better year..

The 2008 concluded with a very bad way for me.. Bel... doesn't wants me anymore..
I book out yesterday, telling myself not to tink of her, not to call her. But my heart just miss her badly.. i know she was at boonlay countdown, i went down there eventually..

i was hoping that i could see her.. talk to her.. so i call her.. she said she's standing beside the stage but was busy.. moments later, the countdown starts, 2009 has arrived.. fireworks display started and i was thinking to myself, one year back, i was spending the new year with her.. one year later, i am spending it, without her..

i went to the back of the stage.. and i saw her.. i was squeezing in the crowd.. trying to take a few glimspe of her.. i called her again, it was too noisy and she wasn't able to listen to wad i say.. happy new year was the words i heard from her.. and then we hang upthe phone.. it's time to go ... i walked away feeling so miserable. i feel so empty in my heart..

i called her sister, telling her that her jiejie doesn;t wan me anymore.. and informing her to take care of bel.. she told me that if bel's mine, she will come back to me eventually..

i dunno abt that.. i know that my chances are very very low.. she has moved on .. without me... shoud i let her go..? everybody is telling me to let her go since it's over.. but deep down in my heart , i know that i dun wanna give up just yet.. i dun wanna lose her.. i need her ..

yes, it will be painful for me.. i know.. but i can't stop myself from loving her.. i know there's totally nothing i can do to win back her heart.. but to pray for miracles to happen.. i know many ppl will think that i am dumb..

i will be just like wad i did yesterday, being a shadow of you, looking at you, loving u but hiding at the corner, not obstructing you to your new life.. just wanna see the happiness in ur smile.. and that will be my new year resolution.

Yu Zheng Way, Wayne aka Eebah Eebah
Age: 20
Single
Going to Army!