Alright, this is my first book out.. suppose to feel very happy..

but tt's not the case..

On friday, i went home and ate my dinner, met up with som frens and have supper..
Sat.. went out with joyce the whole day.. suddenly, i feel she's really bored by the things i do.. though she gets to watch her high school musical.. but rest of the day was like nothing fascinating.

i ask her about whether should i go ocs or not.. she says if i can of coz go.. i was thinking to myself.. if i go, it just means the i need to let go of loving u... on the way sending her back.. we din talk..
she bakes me a cake.. but it just means frens to her.. nothing more..
i msg her today.. asking abt everything.. and eventually, she still sticks to wad she say.. all she can say is sorry.. all she can say is frens.. i am saying goodbye to her.. but is it that easy to forget.. i dun tink so..
she's sorry for giving me false hopes.. but i dun blame her.. i blame myself for loving her.. i blame myself for thinking there's opportunity.. i blame myself for beliving the impossible..

i am feeling very depressed right now.. the thought of going to book in tml.. the thought of 'no more joyce' now i won't look forward to admin time in camp anymore..i won't be calling her anymore.. no more motivation at all.. she's like my motivation throughout my confinement.. but now.. i m left with nothing.. my heart juz sinks, though i know it will come sooner or later.. but why miracle won't happen..

well.. seems like going ocs is the choice.. i am not allowed to post anything abt army.. so , yea.. but truely, i am not enjoying myself in there.

joyce.. i seriously love u.. i put all my heart to care , to love u.. even if u dun appreciate it.. but do u know that my feelings, emotion has been swinging up and down for nothing.. one moment i am feeling happy becoz u care for me.. another moment u just neglect me.. i am jus another guy to u.. nothing much.. v lil u thought abt how i would feel..

i miss u .. right at this moment.. but nothing can be done.. i need to forget u .. but tt's like climbing over mountains in the winter.. i just don't like my life .. not at all.. the way it is going, it seems pointless.. without u, life's like a sky without stars..

pls.. dun let me have sleepless nights..

missing u

Yu Zheng Way, Wayne aka Eebah Eebah
Age: 20
Single
Going to Army!