.Monday, July 28, 2008 ' 4:32 AM Y
pon...and...zi
My relationship with baby is over.. all but over.. i feeling so depressed rite now.. i am wondering why am i deserving this.. but in fact.. maybe i really deserve this..
I broken up with her.. i made the break.. am i being dumb or stupid.. mayb most of u will tink i am dumb..
more and more of my frens are going into army.. and soon i'll be next.. i wonder how will my baby's life be when i am going in .. she will be alone.. on weekends she may have to work.. when she need me.. i can't be there.. i am facing a situation whereby shud we suffer now or later.. i do not want to wait for one year den break.. as it will be more hurtful..
Baby, mayb i am being selfish.. i miss u a lot.. right now.. at this moment.. i still want u by my side.. after so much we been thru.. i have to give u up now.. i really do not have much choice.. i dun wan to see u suffer.. u are the one i love so much .. after so much .. i know if i leave u out there alone, u will be lonely and need support.. me being as a bf cannot offer anything to you.. and obviously is nothing coz in army i cannot do anything.. u have great frens around u .. alex, thomas, kyla, jeffery , and much more.. i believe they can provide u the companionship u need as they are very supportive.. u have ur freedom without me.. u can do wadeva u wan , and not let my sensitivity stop u..
i am still wearing the ring .. the ring which pact us together as one.. i dun wan to lose u but things is not under our control.. i have to let u go .. which i really dun wan to.. it took me almost a month to make this decision.. or even later if u din ask me abt it.. i dun wanna lose u .. u r my precious person on this earth.. why do i have to go army.. why made me make this decision.. why make me serve ns when i am not a singaporean.. who the fuck make this rule that even me have to serve.. i feeling so pain right now.. but still i cannot find any solution to keep u by my side.. unless i bring u out of this country.. which is totally not feasible..
baby.. i cherish the times we had together.. u r the gal i love the most ever.. i read thru our joint blog just now, i cried like never before, i seriously dun wan to leave u .. really.. all the things we have done.. all the effort we had put in , all the memories we had.. it is just making even more painful to leave you..
and now u are hating me for doing this.. mayb u tink i have no faith in u , no trust in u .. you can blame me, but i really have no confidence in this relationship when i go in army.. it will not take just any effort to sustain. it take tons of effort to sustain.. which mayb i can't even meet the requirement. i am losing faith.. losing my confidence. losing my direction.. i am a lousy bf... someone u dun deserve.. i will be a burden for u.. a unneccsary burden in ur life..
i miss those times.. every single thing we do, every single place we go, every single memories we had.. i feel so pain .. fucking pain right now.. can any one tell me why .. why do i have to make this choice.. why do i have to forgo a relationship i want so much ..
Oreo, i am so sorry, i have cause u to be in trouble.. u have a wonderful owner but becoz of me u have to leave her.. i know she loves u a lot.. so much that she will miss u dearly.. u are like a child to me.. and i have cause u this situation.. i am so sorry.. i am so useless..
baby .. i really love u so much .. can u tell me what i can do to keep u by my side without have all those stupid nonsense.. i dun wan to feel the pain i am having now.. i dun wan to cry non stop .. i want to have enjoyable times with u .. i wan to hug u and slp .. i wan to be there when u wake up .. but all this are my imagination now.. i really miss u.. i want to STOP CRYING!
19-08-07 --- 27-07-08
i hate myself..
i need u ..
i miss u..
i love u..
-YzW- i'm such a failure, i have hurt u ..
