My relationship with baby is over.. all but over.. i feeling so depressed rite now.. i am wondering why am i deserving this.. but in fact.. maybe i really deserve this..

I broken up with her.. i made the break.. am i being dumb or stupid.. mayb most of u will tink i am dumb..

more and more of my frens are going into army.. and soon i'll be next.. i wonder how will my baby's life be when i am going in .. she will be alone.. on weekends she may have to work.. when she need me.. i can't be there.. i am facing a situation whereby shud we suffer now or later.. i do not want to wait for one year den break.. as it will be more hurtful..

Baby, mayb i am being selfish.. i miss u a lot.. right now.. at this moment.. i still want u by my side.. after so much we been thru.. i have to give u up now.. i really do not have much choice.. i dun wan to see u suffer.. u are the one i love so much .. after so much .. i know if i leave u out there alone, u will be lonely and need support.. me being as a bf cannot offer anything to you.. and obviously is nothing coz in army i cannot do anything.. u have great frens around u .. alex, thomas, kyla, jeffery , and much more.. i believe they can provide u the companionship u need as they are very supportive.. u have ur freedom without me.. u can do wadeva u wan , and not let my sensitivity stop u..

i am still wearing the ring .. the ring which pact us together as one.. i dun wan to lose u but things is not under our control.. i have to let u go .. which i really dun wan to.. it took me almost a month to make this decision.. or even later if u din ask me abt it.. i dun wanna lose u .. u r my precious person on this earth.. why do i have to go army.. why made me make this decision.. why make me serve ns when i am not a singaporean.. who the fuck make this rule that even me have to serve.. i feeling so pain right now.. but still i cannot find any solution to keep u by my side.. unless i bring u out of this country.. which is totally not feasible..

baby.. i cherish the times we had together.. u r the gal i love the most ever.. i read thru our joint blog just now, i cried like never before, i seriously dun wan to leave u .. really.. all the things we have done.. all the effort we had put in , all the memories we had.. it is just making even more painful to leave you..

and now u are hating me for doing this.. mayb u tink i have no faith in u , no trust in u .. you can blame me, but i really have no confidence in this relationship when i go in army.. it will not take just any effort to sustain. it take tons of effort to sustain.. which mayb i can't even meet the requirement. i am losing faith.. losing my confidence. losing my direction.. i am a lousy bf... someone u dun deserve.. i will be a burden for u.. a unneccsary burden in ur life..

i miss those times.. every single thing we do, every single place we go, every single memories we had.. i feel so pain .. fucking pain right now.. can any one tell me why .. why do i have to make this choice.. why do i have to forgo a relationship i want so much ..

Oreo, i am so sorry, i have cause u to be in trouble.. u have a wonderful owner but becoz of me u have to leave her.. i know she loves u a lot.. so much that she will miss u dearly.. u are like a child to me.. and i have cause u this situation.. i am so sorry.. i am so useless..

baby .. i really love u so much .. can u tell me what i can do to keep u by my side without have all those stupid nonsense.. i dun wan to feel the pain i am having now.. i dun wan to cry non stop .. i want to have enjoyable times with u .. i wan to hug u and slp .. i wan to be there when u wake up .. but all this are my imagination now.. i really miss u.. i want to STOP CRYING!

19-08-07 --- 27-07-08

i hate myself..
i need u ..
i miss u..
i love u..


-YzW- i'm such a failure, i have hurt u ..

Yes, i am 20 .. it feels good to have birthday once again.. but it feels bad when i enter the 20th age.

i feel so old.. ok .. not really old but i know when i reach this age, more things need to be considered. less fun , more responsiblity and no mor of the days where school is concern.

Thinking back to the time where i was still in secondary or primary school, where the fun and laughter were, where the unity of the class was, where everything is under control. Basketball matches, ncc days, class days, recess times.. so many to say but no longer able to have that kind of life again.

I am 20, i need to plan for my future, i did actually plan and u know life ahead me isn't going to be as carefree anymore. I have to forgone my teenage life and go on with my young adult or even an adult life. which the stress comes. No more guidance from teacher. no more chance given by my parents. It's me going out to the society and make an impact. whether i make it or break it, there's no such easy U-turn to take anymore. Consequences have to be faced. Planning have to be spot-on in order to make a success in life. haha

alright, shall not think too much on that..

21st July, me and baby went to swensens to eat!! we shared a tomato garlic soup , she ate chicken cutlet and i have chicken baked rice.. then i tell baby that i dun wan to have dessert, suddenly she keep urging me to order.. reason is becoz she told the stuff to give me the cake after dessert.lol.. in the end, i ordered and the surprise came. haha.. thanks baby.. enjoy my night with you.

clock strike 12 . it's my 20th birthday.. where the silly boy is born 20 years back.

around 1am , weisiong, zhen guang, darwin, wenhao , jensen and me went to TANG SHUI at lornie road, have supper drink tea den our eyes lock at the tv watching funny chinese show.lol..
couldn't slp after tt.. dunno why..

lots of msg coming thru.. actually not a lot.. only few.. but appreciate it.

went back to my home with oreo and slept.. zzZZz..

then met xin man as she wanna pass me present.. haha..

after that met up with my buddies for a very expensive dinner.. during dessert time, some of them went missing, den the whole restaurant play the birthday song.. lol.. was so touch and actually wanna laugh. haha.. jinhong brought a cake and we celebrate lor.. lol..

our tradition is birthday boy treat.. argh. lucky wen hao share share..lol..

was feeling guilty i was not home to celebrate with my family.. i know all of u care for me. i love all of you.

that's basically how i spend my birthday.. not very eventful but meaningful.

THANKS
baby- without u life will not be easy..
family- i love you all.. the pillar of strength comes from mummy and daddy, being understanding
buddies- it's always fun to hang out with you guys
Asri- a perfect manager in my life, miss the time working with u .. thanks for ur wishes
Steph- thanks sis, jia you in wadeva u do...
Kaixin- last one msg very fun ar.. but thanks for ur wishes
Joyce- thanks for ur support and being such a nice friend
Xinman- nice present from u .. glad to know u
Jason and Weisiong- thanks for forgetting my birthday but haha.. it's okay! need me to remind!
Jiting- my best buddie for life.. call me from ur camp and make sure u wish me.. haha.. miss u. so gay..lol
paulina- wishing me from australia.. haha.. hope u doing well
Yuri- thanks and all the best in ur work!

thanks everyone.. beesiew, my cousin ah boy, valentia and more..lol.

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY to MYSELF! =)

-YzW- 20 and counting.. old man.. lol

Yes.. really sorry abt the delay of blogging..

Finally finish my attachment.. break free from the everyday work.. no more long hours .. no more waking up early.. 9 months of attachment went pass just like tt.. i still thot i will be waiting for very long.. but now.. it's over..

Army awaits me next, phew.. something that i didn't spend much time thinking abt.. but after a while.. i just realise that it's something big in my life.. lol... but it's a no choice thing... just have to accept it and do wadeva it takes to go thru it..

And now.. enjoying myself.. yippie..

Just been to bangkok with baby.. 1st time travelling abroad with her.. lol.. feel so great shopping with her.. slashing prices from the storekeeper.. i got a shoe at 40 bucks which cost 60 initally.. haha.. i slash a lot of prices too .. but the whole was great except for a stupid toot toot driver.. who demanded so much money from.. end up quarrelling with him.. but in the end let it be.. i rather not let him destroy my journey.. me and baby enjoy ourselves there.. =)

After that, went to genting with my buddies.. woo0.. fun .. but no more chi liao le.. sianz.. dunno where the store move to... no more liao means half og our trip is wasted.. but luckily.. we still went to spa and amusement park.. i finally get to play the corkscrew since i am young.. was so afraid at first.. but after that.. i feel full of acheivement.. lol.. u guys may think is nothing to u .. but hey .. i am quite a timid guy when it comes to roller coaster.. now... i conquer the corkscrew! lol.. lots of my buddies went there and slp.. zZZzz.. keep snoring and snoring.. lol... i did take a nap.. haha..

Well.. that;s all for now.. baby's on attachment.. just wish to accompany her when she needs.. and i want to enjoy while i still can before i enlist into the army.. =)

-YzW- serve the nation.. not my nation -_-"

Yu Zheng Way, Wayne aka Eebah Eebah
Age: 20
Single
Going to Army!