Today is my off day and i spent 12 hrs slping.. wahahah .. but on monday .. i spent 17hr straight working.. how xiong rite? lol .. tml have to work again . .but hopefully times passes as fast as possible..

Well.. just wanna share some sad or shud i say deserving stories of what happened to me in the past..

As to be said, one's life are full of choices, making it right or wrong is totally up to u .. everyday, choices will turn to u and make u choose them .. and if u taken a wrong step .. that's it. Each one of us sumtimes will look back and regret what things they have done.. as i look back .. the most regretful incident is what i have done wrong with my 1st relationship .

She's splendid with all it needs to be someone's gf.. but someone like me, have nv know the word of cherish. She's is loyal to me, yet i doubt her. She is faithful, yet i turn to others. She loved me with all her heart yet i neglected her. Though i am at the age of 15 when i started this relationship with her, i should have been matured enuff to cherish and understand how she feels

Only to find fault with her.. thinking that what she offers is nv enuff.. doubt her and in the end .. it was me who is in the wrong.. nv have i feel that she is right or i am wrong.. i always thought i am the superior among us two.. i gave up on this relationship twice.. she still cling on it when i left her..

But these kind of things always come back and haunt u .. i still kept the love letters she wrote for me.. that night.. just a few months back .. i read with shock .. with regrets .. with shame all ard my face.. thru the letter, i started to realise that how much she gave into the relationship.. how much she loves me when we were together.. she was like a superb gf that anyone can expect.. but i let her down.. now i feel so regret .. i gave her so much hopes of how long the relationshipp will last. but yet i dashed the hopes when i thought she is not my type of gal..

3 years have past.. and she is getting with her life.. she is in poly and shud be with a bf that is nv someone like me.. i wonder what will it be like if we are still together now.. how loving can we be.. but all that are just imagination and i couldn't make myself think any further.. all i have in my mind is sorry .. sorry for letting u down .. sorry for all the false hopes.. sorry for being so self centered and make u tolerate my high ego.. i would definitely feel better if u scolded or hit me right now.. but being ur character.. i tink u would have let it past..

3 years.. yet i could not forgive myself for doing this to u .. our 1 year of relationship is like a game to me.. but for u .. is a 1 year of hell with me.. i ruin ur time.. ur effort , ur love .. bastard am i to do all those stupid things to u .. nobody really knows what happen btw us.. but u keep it to urself and suffer from it.. i really do not know how to forget abt what happen in the past.. is not tt i am asking u to forgive me.. but i just want to llet u know i am truely sorry ..

mayb tt's why i am currently a failure in relationship.. coz mayb God knows i've been bad.. for u .. u deserve a more loving and caring bf.. i tink u have one.. this post is just for me to apologise and telling everyone who read my blog abt how i ill-treated u .. how bastard i am to betray ur love.. i dunno whether will u read my blog.. but if u do read.. i am sorry .. i know just a sorry wouldn't mean much .. but at least let me have a chance to apologise to u ..

when i remember how caring u can be.. making a pillow me.. hurting urself in the process.. remembering times when u were behind me when i am down .. remembering how we gossip abt others.. when i start to recall all this.. i finally realise that i have done and make the stupiest choice of my life.. how i regret it .. but i should be punish for what i have done.. once again .. really sorry to u .. hope btw us there is still friendship.

-YzW- sorry .. =(

well well well.. manage to find some time to blog.. haha.. damn tired.. just came back from work.. well .. is like two weeks in banquet and i am getting stronger.. lol... those ppl who work banquet shud know.. haha..

anyway .. so much so .. wanna talk abt myself in terms of relationships...

been tinking of whether i shud go on with this particular gal .. or open doors for others.. however, this few made me realise something.. i am not a very easy guy to be with.. i realise that after i learn my lesson of being a bastard last time.. i am now more concern abt who i am going to be with.. so what does this mean..

i will not want to hurt any gals by giving false hopes to them .. tt's why when i find myself and the gal not gel. i will not take anymore steps..

i am a DA NAN REN type of guy.. i dun like to be control.. dun like to be told by my gal what to do.. dun like sensitive gals.. i like gals who know how to take care of themselves. not entirely i mean .. i wil shower her with care and concern but certain things only comes to a limit.. this is more of what i am .. if gals can tolerate or shud i say able to accomodate my style.. this way .. i feel relax and love and be love by her.. this is more of what i wan .. mayb i am asking too much .. but if a gal aren't able to do tt.. i rather not take the relationship down as i forsee break-up sooner or later.. let me be who i am .. mayb tt's why i am single for quite long.. lol...

but one thing i need to point out.. for tt particular gal .. whom i have love for so long.. i dun mind being not myself to be with.. mayb tt's when i am able to lower down my requirements.. but i tink .. this offer is only for her... nobody else.. but who knows which gal can come in and change my life.. but so far.. none can be comparable to her.. =)

i admit i dun dare to go for her again .. coz i scare rejection is again the same result.. is too hard for me to take.. even to think abt it.. i will feel devastated.. not sure wad i shud do with this case.. but one thing for sure.. i am not going to be attach this soon.. haha.. yea.. being attach is what i may wish for .. but only with the correct gal .. tt's my aim .. looking for long relationship rather than a one time off thing.. haha ..

some of u may think i am asking too much of myself.. but hey . .tink of the other side.. it's good tt now i care abt the feelings of other parties.. i know i need to do that.. =)

comments?

going to slp lo .. dying from fatigue.. loll... take care everyone...

-YzW- chiong bqt ar!

Well.. feeling quite lost now abt what i should do.. u see.. i been in love with this gal for ard 2 years... and so far.. no progress at all.. yes. in between the time, i do have some crushes but when she come into my mind.. or should i say my heart.. nobody can really replace her.. is it becoz i am over archieving? or is it i have already tell myself that i have close the doors to others..

there have been quite some nice gals ard me.. but i dun seem to wan to love them coz i might hurt them .. why do i say that.. if i am going to be with someone.. den what i abt the gal who i really love.. i definitely will hurt the one i am with .. so there is why i am very afraid to step into relationshhip

many will ask why dun i go for the gal i really love.. well .. she is a very nice gal .. but no matter how hard i try to win her heart.. she only treat me as a fren or a bro? on the 1st year wher i fell in love with her.. i've been rejectedby her ard 4 times.. i dun wan the 5 time to happen.. hmm .. realy do not know what to do...

anyone can tell me what to do.. to stay on and be faithful to her.. or open my doors a let someone who live me to come in?

Oh man .. i been wanted to blog but i was too tired these few days.. why? all becoz of my attachment.. i am attach to banquet, which s the most tiring job.. moving tables and chairs.. running up and down .. pushing equipments.. clearing things... even skirting a table is so tiring..

Worst thing is that i still have 2 months and 3 weeks to go of banquet b4 i going back to skool for my HDHM.. yea. talking abt my HDHM.. not really sure whether NS will lt me defer nort.. really hope to be able to defer ba.. if not i have to do a year of bloody attachement.. lol ...

the worst thing of attachment is actually not the tiredness i get.. but the amount of time i left to enjoy... actually no much time for me to meet up with darwin and rest.. not even able to play bball once a week . oh man .. why why .. lol ... nvm .. tahan a while.. things will go fine.. lol ..

just yesterday i call up jiting and have a chat with him .. haha... he is doing well there.. i hope.. lol .. he told me abt hs attachment and it was like so easy lor.. everyday nothing much for him to do de.. for me... everything i need to do .. aiyo .. but nvm la.. bu tong ren bu tong ming.. hah.. mayb in future all this things i've done is beneficial for me.. luckily . out of 5-6 managers.. there is the manager Asri.. he is damn good lor.. he is not those order ppl doo thing one.. not calling u oi oi one..is one that chiong with u.. chat with u .. play with u.. call u by ur name.. and even teach u lots of things.. i really hope my banquet life can be under him though i know is impossible as i will be under ALL managers..

but i can see he like me la. coz he always 'yan , i borrow wayne a while. jason . i borrow wayne a while' haha.. then he share things with me de.. even jio me to drink next time. lol.. good guy .. Sir lawrance also not bad la. but his authority too high la.. dun dare to play with him . haha .. only let him make fun only.. haha .. tt's all i can do..

kk .. late liao .. i betta go slp .. i apologise to those who i always hang out with.. no time spend with u all le.. my off day i surely find u all de k .. =)

-YzW- shag...

oh man .. i am attached to banquet department.. shucks.. lol .. so fast have to chiong like hell liaoz.. wad can i say sia.. lol .. nvm .. i shall face it happily k .. yea! lol ... hope can have good relationships with the people there.. especially a good manager..

Hmm .. yesterday went to punggol .. haha .. me darwin , wei siong , wen wen , alan and jiansheng.. 6 of us .. o0ps... i mean 10 of us went punggol .. =x haha.. only some will know why is ten ... ya so anyway .. we went to punggol.. reach abt 12 am .. lol .. and went straight to the maltida hse.. hmm .. it is a abandon house.. so call a haunted house.. but when we are about to walk through the field to reach the house. . we saw a stupid car stopping by .. so we dun dare to proceed on .. so we decided to go to the punggol beach tt side..

we walk abt lrt stations and found oursleves walking on grasses as there is no more walk way for us to walk. when we reach the next lrt station, we found out tt the station is currently not for use.. and is blocked off.. luckliy we found a way out .. but guss where we landed at.. Punggol country club. haha.. den we enter the place as jianshen wan use toilet la. lol .. we also wan to have some drinks and refreshment.. but the sad thing is there was no refreshment!! lol.. how? continue to walk .. now we walk towards the direction of the beach.. but den when we always see a junction in front.. we make the wrong choice.. we ended up at a fishing place.. where lots of people fishing there.. we make a turn and go back to the entrane..

We den continue our long journey with our tired legs. den we saw this lorry .. ask for hitchhike den uncle say ok .. haha .. we go up the lorry .. and the uncle drove super fast la.. and such a long way he drove den we see the place we wan to go.. we thought to ourselves that luckily we hitch uncles llorry.. but we din go to the beach .. why .. coz uncle drove too fast.. we tinkin wan to stop nort.. but den uncle drove so fast we have no chance to tell him to stop..

we ended up near punggl mrt again .. haha.. den we say go find coffee shop ba.. but not a soul near us.. dun even know wher is the coffee shop .. so we decided to call mc delivery. blk 299 with no unit. .lol .. void deck ma.. but b4 we make that order.. Grace call .. i seek help from her to ask where is the nearest 24-hr coffee shop.. haha .. den she say at 102 tt side.. which was like behind us few blks only la.. lol .. so the coffeeshop is like the oasis at the desert. most of us have nasi lemak or mee/bee hoon .. and drinks. den we go back to the maltida hse. .this time there was ard 10 cars and 10 motorbikes near the hse. wa laoz.. lol..

but we wait a while they went off le.. so hack care them .. haha .. we went in .. finally.. it was a huge mansion.. or a hse.. haha .. torn old.. we climb in the gate and went ard.. jiansheng and wen wen scare le.. haha .. but i wasn't lol .. then we walk around the hse 1st and took lots of pictures .. we climb up to the 2nd floor and went in the hse.. torch light prepared so everything was no in darkness.. darwin n me took turns to walk in front.. we search the whole place and found nothing much except graffiti and torn down things.. there was three big rooms. a kitchen and a open balcony? lol .. not v sure .. so all of us decided to go as we search the whole place le..

after most of us climb down to the ground again .. me and darwin wanted to walk in the hse again just 2 of us with lousy touchlights.. this time is different.. more creepier and darker.. we went to stand on balcony and walk ard again .. den we decide to off the torchlight to add on to the challenge.. and *tick* total darkness.. this is when i start to feel scare.. haha ..so was darwin .. but soon we find our way out and climb to the ground.

We waited for the 1st train , only siong and wenwen taking cab home 1st.. haha ..17 dollar nia! cheap cab.. lol ...

pictures of this trip will be upload soon i hope.. =)

-YzW- next trip to be confirmed. Interested? tag me!

Yu Zheng Way, Wayne aka Eebah Eebah
Age: 20
Single
Going to Army!